Monday, July 7, 2014

Everything That Kills Me.....Made Me Feel Alive....


Oy! Yes. It finally happened. After 6 months of dropping off the face of the "blog-o-sphere" I have been called out.

Now, I'm not going to lie to you. I really did not think anyone followed my mini adventures on a regular basis, but I am happy to report that I was dead wrong! I was surprised today when I opened my email and had a message wondering if I was OK. To make it even was from someone who I have never met before and does not even live in the country! Crack me up. Am I surprised? No...I'm pretty sure Madrid, Spain loves their trail running too! thanks to we go! I'm back!

My daily view has my heart wanting more!

Now, as you all may totally not remember (it has been over 6 months)...the last time I blogged was when I was out in Breckenridge, Co. I looked back and am pretty sure that I posted something every single day. It was such an amazing trip and it is one that I look forward to repeating yearly. What you all might not have known was that the trip was also what you would call a "breaking point" for me.

Colorado was a wonderful trip that really revived my mind and soul. I have never felt more alert and alive as I did when I was out there. What was not revived however, was my body. Sure, the altitude was a beast to get used to, but I feel like I owe more of an explanation than that. Too many people around here and abroad have asked why I quit here it goes.....(yeah, I really wish I had some dramatic opener...but I don't)

I loved running in the mountains. I loved it more than the trails here in Kentucky. However, the truth is that while my mind loved it, I was not allowing my body to enjoy it...and had not been for quite a while.

Now, I'm not going to go into all the details, because honestly, they are not that "Lifetime Movie" worthy. What I will share is what happened to me and how it affected trail running and my experiences with it. As far as this blog goes, nothing else really matters.

While in Colorado, I felt very inferior running. I don't know if it was the group run at the local running shop...where everyone took off like gazelles ahead of me....or if it was my own insistence to run and explore everyday...but something exhausted me. While my mind wanted to go and see everything around, my body was breaking down.

After returning to Lexington, things did not get better and I was forced to take a break for my own good. It was the return from Colorado that made me realize something. If I wanted to enjoy trail running (and nature) ever again, I would have to confront the demon who has been on this "ride" called life for the last 18 years.

I am hesitant to say I have/had an eating disorder because I don't really have all the emotional trauma that comes with it. If you ask me to explain what has been happening...I will literally tell body seems to release a chemical when I eat telling me to get rid of it. I honestly do not know how anyone can eat lunch and NOT think about it for the entire day. I don't understand how people do not have the physical reaction/anxiety that I have!

Now, take that bit of information and add trail running. When I say I was exhausted...I am not exaggerating. I was heading out for runs twenty minutes after making myself sick. My injuries came from being so worn out at the end that I was just in a fog.  I was left with a body that  could no longer metabolize and absorb vitamins...ribs that were popped out of place....and hormone levels that were basically non-existent. I was a hot mess and no matter how much I mentally wanted to be out exploring, my body was sending me a pretty painful message that some things needed to be addressed first.

Like I said before, I am not your typical case...I had an amazing childhood and a support system that is second to none. I am very confident, and I think my friends will tell you that I am very outgoing. I make friends quickly and have always gotten what or who I have wanted (I totally don't mean to be a stuck up b*tch with that one....but just telling it how it is.) My problem was purely chemical and that is how my doctor approached it from the beginning. I had just become so naive that I thought my body would just physically adapt to my behaviors and running.

Once my ribs got back in a neutral position (and yes...they were popped out while getting sick), my problem finally had to be addressed. Multiple tests were done and many different options were discussed. In the end I feel like I am on the best path I can be on. Yes, it includes quite a few hormones and isotonic vitamins...but it also has me more physically ready to take on the trails than I have ever been. Yes, I had to give up carbs...rice....grain...wheat and sugar....but my body seems to be running better without it. And yes...I cannot believe how much sh*t (and sugar) Americans put in their food! Gross!

About a month back I took to the trails for a light run and let me tell is a totally different experience for me physically. I literally just kept going. My body was not wearing out. I was about to enjoy nature as one constant movement instead of multiple breaks. Still, I knew I had to give myself more time.

I have taken a break from running while I have allowed my body to get used to being "normal". I have changed...amazingly enough...for the better. I never thought I would get thinner by actually keeping food down...but turns out that is science :)

I am getting back out on the trails again. I am missing them so much and it has killed me to not make time for it. I didn't mean to drop off the face of the blog, but at the time I was not sure what I was dealing I was hesitant to share anything. Now that I am feeling better...well...I am ready to take to it again! And of course, you are all invited along for the run! I would love to hear from you. I am a pretty transparent person, so if you have any questions for me...shoot! I will answer. I'm not scared ;) I am what I nature...and when the time came...I did what I had to do to reach a "good balance".  I'm just sorry I did not share earlier...I never meant to make anyone feel like I no longer wanted to. you may have been wondering what I have been doing while not on the trails. I have been painting...and becoming a wine connoisseur...and accepting the fact that I will never be a Rob Krar or Kilian Jornet (who by the way....has a new movie out!!!!!) OH!! And I got a bike...and can now make a lot of things out of pallets. In the end, I think I have finally accepted that I will be that pale red head that runs by you while you are trying to have a peaceful hike. After you regain your vision (do to blindness) just keep going on your way. That is what I plan to do. And yes....WS100 is still an obsession of mine!

Look! I paint now! And I enjoy holding other peoples little babies in my hammock...because that is how I roll!