Monday, May 20, 2013

Reaching The Summit Of The Internal Mountain

It has been a little while since I have posted. I have been meaning to...really I have. I guess I can honestly say that the delay is not due to being busy or not wanting has been due to working on vunerability and transparency. It is something I am not good at and when I am asked to share about certain things I tend to run and hide. I guess I have to apologize. I have been hiding. I think this may be draft #9 that I have written since my last entry but I think this one may be the best so I will go with it.

But before about some trail running news!?

The trails are absolutely beautiful here right now and if you remember from my last post I am now the proud owner of my Salomon Speed Cross shoes. I cannot say enough about these beasts. In the past this brand has tore my feet up but I think I have finally found my "Saving Grace".  That and the fact that Ms. Cheapo here found them on line for under $50.00. I am that good.

I love them...plain and simple.

Anyway, I have been testing them out on the trails for the past few days and while they feel a little heavier than my road running shoes (duh...look at the soles) they make me feel like I could climb right up a rock face without using hands. These babies grip everything. Mud really is no longer a problem. I have never felt so in control of my movements while on trail surfaces. I am a frog! Downhill is great! They even make tree roots and debris much easier to navigate. They are the best damn things since sliced bread! As you can tell I am very happy...and they make being on the trails that much more enjoyable. I enjoy them so much I cannot even complain about running grass hills...they make everything that fun!

I am also happy to report that I have decided to do some races on trail after all. For a while I was not feeling competitive and the thought of doing more races just made me sad. I can't pin point what happened but I have a renewed passion. I am now looking forward to this season and picking some great races to run in the near future. Colorado is a go once again and I am even going to run the 1/2 marathon associated with UROC this September. I am so lucky that UROC is actually starting in the same town as the house I will be at in Breckenridge. This run usually changes locations each year so I feel very fortunate to be able to see some amazing runners take off for the longer races! I will be out there a week before my race so at least my body will have a little time to acclimate to the heat and elevation....if not...I am sure it will still make for an interesting story.

Colorado training :)

Other than may see my mood or tone in the blog change a bit in the near future. I love running and nature. I feel the need to be out in nature everyday and when I am not I am sad. I also feel the same way about running. It makes me happy and helps reduce a lot of the stresses in my life. However, if I want to get better at it and enjoy it more, I have to work on some parts of me that are causing stress.

I will not go into much but I am working on something that some may say has "plagued" me for 18 years. I have never had the need or desire to "correct it" until now. I have always been happy with the way I handled myself and my body has adapted amazingly well to the treatment I have given her. But now it is time. I am 32. I now influence people with the decisions I make and being good to myself while running is something I owe my body and mind. Nutrition has always been a struggle for me...and my body has found a way to perform when it probably should not have. Nutrition is also a huge part of running and if I want to be able to do things like Colorado I have to be able to be confident in her ability to keep going when I mentally may not want to. I have to learn to treat myself right and allow her what she needs to perform. The damage I have done may not reverse right away. My thyroid is shot. It will not come back to body has shut it down and I will be forever on artificial hormone. My vitamin and iron levels are not even on paper after blood work. This is my fault. This is my body telling me to "shape up." That can be corrected and for that I am so fortunate. I always thought I was invincible. Don't get me wrong...I am really healthy as far as "general health" we are all good. I just need to be able to look at myself and how I treat myself and smile. I see beauty all around me and it makes me so I just have to see the beauty at the end of my nose :)

I know it will be a struggle. What many of you feel as "normal" when it comes to image make no sense to me. We are all different. No one person is perfect and no one way is the "right" way....we just have to do what is right for us. And yes...I find Nutella to be a terrifying thing...have you looked at the nutritional labels?! Sooo good....sooo bad....sooo not fair :)

So I hope you do not mind if I share every few posts or something. Many of you are not here to see me while this transformation takes place. Some have already seen me at an evening run or yoga...and I love you for the hugs and support. I don't want to confuse anyone. I am a very happy person and enjoying life to the fullest. I just need to get on track with getting my body to run like all of you :) Please don't Google and try to "classify" me as anything...especially if you do not know me. That would just break my heart.

I am borrowing a picture from a site I love on Facebook. This is so beautiful to me. A runner named Kilian Jornet Burgada posted it. It reminded me of a conversation I had the other day. As a friend said to me...and I quote (because I wrote it down so I would not forget):

"Before you go explore those amazing mountains...why don't you explore the internal mountain you have been living at the base of first?"

Powerful words. Both loving and a smack in the face all at the same time. That is what friends do. Friends keep you in check. I am now in check...well...I take that back....I am working on being in check. The weather keeps changing on my mountain and I am not sure what the view will look like from the summit....but it is time to see what is on the other side. Happiness in the valley perhaps?

1 comment:

  1. What ever it is that you are going through, you have my full support!! Can't wait to come check out the trails with you one day :)