Do you ever look around and really envy the season of Spring?
Think about it. Everything is *new* in the spring. Everything has new life...a new beginning with very little being carried over from the harsh cold winter. To me it is a wonderful season and I have been enjoying it just about every day now.
Each morning when I wake I find myself needing to be out in nature. Not necessarily running, but just being amongst all the tree cover...making my way down the beautiful winding trails....letting the sound of trickling water guide my every step. It is only a little over an hour each morning before I have to emerge and get on with my day, but at the end of each visit I truly feel renewed. At the same time it has me feeling a little confused.
Last year I was so excited for the trail running season to begin. This year I am really excited to be able to get out and run the trails like I want....but I am not so sure I am excited about the races. It is not that the races are not appealing...it is just that I am not sure I want to do them. I know I can do them...but I don't feel the competitive drive to do them. I don't want to be racing a clock or another runner thru them. Perhaps it is because the last race I ran ended in injury and I am somehow subconsciously convinced that injury will happen again as soon as I start racing. Perhaps it is because I feel too close a connection to the environment when I am out there to want to rush thru it. Maybe I hit my head? I don't know...either way I find myself quite confused on whether I want to be competitive or just a spectator as I run. It has me feeling anxious and desperately trying to figure myself out.
Now this confusion totally sucks because it conflicts with my running dream of being able to do the WS100 (since you have to qualify)...so I hope it is a temporary problem. At the same time I am almost like "well....nothing says I can't run the course whenever I want to....still experiencing the trails and living a dream I have". Who knows....G*d knows I don't. I wish I could start over like spring. Just *pop* up and take to trail racing like last year never happened.
I guess until I figure it out I am just going to keep putting myself where I want to be. I am so lucky that I can move my schedule around at a moments notice like that. I can wake up and go "I want to be on the trails" and within a few minutes I can be on my way. I realize that so many do not have that ability and I promise that every second I am out there I am thanking the universe. It is something I savor with all my heart.
Speaking of the ability to get out on the trails and in nature....I do have one request of all of you...and it comes from an experience I had yesterday. When I arrived at the trail head I ran into a class of students getting a tour from one of the Raven Run staff. The young woman asked the class if they knew what biodiversity was. Now...these kids were old enough to know.....but not one could answer the question correctly. I literally stopped in my tracks and watched in horror as the young woman had to explain to these kids what it was and where they were. Please...if you have any love of nature share it and pass it on when you can. To think that this is the future really has me concerned about what places like Raven Run will be like in 20 years. Deep down we all have a connection to nature. It is who we are. We are from it and a part of it. It provides for us...takes care of us...and still reminds us on a regular basis that in the end it will always be more powerful than us. We have to keep teaching. If we don't....well I just don't know what to say about that....
That is all for now. For the next little bit I will keep running where I love...and dreaming about all I want to do. So many recent events (mostly involving people passing away) have my heart wanting to do so many things all at once as soon as possible....which is just not rational....but I think it is the instinct that keeps us wanting to live life and experience amazing things. I hope you all are enjoying the weather as much as I am. It really has my "bucket list" of places I want to go....things I want to do....and people I would like to meet growing on a daily basis. (And yes...that sentence originally was "things...places...and people I want to do" but then when I re-read it I saw how inappropriately funny it was....but common...it is me....Queen of the Inappropriate One Liners."
Until next time :)