Since starting this blog I have had many people ask me where the title came from. Well, it is pretty simple:
I still feel a little lost without my mother and I think about her a lot when I run.
It has been a little over a year, but not a day goes by where I don't have the instinct to call her or ask for her advice. Even though I had her for 30 years, I still feel like I lost her way too soon. Like she still had so much to teach me and I still had so much to learn. You come into this world with the expectation of outliving your parents. It is nature. Eventually they will grow old and pass on. Perhaps that is what has me so lost. My mother did not grow old....and because of that I still have the fear that I will not get to either. After all, to most little girls, their mother is the epitome of what they want to be when they grow up. As our little feet grow we spend most of our times wishing we could fit into our mothers shoes....my mother was perfect in my eyes.
A little emotional? I think so. Yesterday was her birthday. She would have been 58. Yesterday was hard. I kind of "drifted" thru the day. It was a rest day...so I did not get out and run, however, for one hour I was able to get it "out of my head" during yoga. It was the first time I did anything like yoga in over 2 years and I think it is something I will continue with each week.
I feel good today. My body is sore and I love that feeling. The sun is out and the temperature is rising. Even though it is almost December, it feels like nature still has quite a bit to get done before the blankets of snow begin to fall. I need to take advantage of this day. I need to get out and run....and just look around....just let my hands touch things as I run by.
I often wonder what my mother would think of my running. She was not much of a runner, but I think she would love hearing about my little adventures. Oh well. If she was here now I am sure she would tell me to "put my big girl panties on" and go for a run or something. Not a bad idea since it is supposed to get up in the 50s today.
On a happy note, the first in a series of movies I have been waiting for is coming out on December 17th. Just when you thought you had a good run...here comes Kilian Jornet and a movie where he runs on mountains. Yup...not just "up"...or "thru" but "on". It is ridiculous. It is awesome. If for one day I could just *poof* into his body and go on one of those adventures...I would be a very happy girl for a very long time. He actually has a series of videos called "Kilian's Quest" (google it) and they are both motivating and demoralizing at the same time...lol. Some days you come in from a run and second guess the path in life you took.....you see these scenes and places and are like "wow, wish I could do that" . Then you remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side. It looks awesome...but when you are constantly training and traveling for competition....life must get exhausting. In some of the videos you can see it....he loves that he is living his dream...but sometimes his face just looks like he may not be happy with all the requirements/demands that come with living his dream..he looks "older" than 25....his dreams are wearing on him....I know the feeling :)
Anyway, I may not get to pursue all my dreams...but I am grateful for them....and my life....you should be too. Tis the season....I guess I have to start decorating :)